


papercut

by juicyjunhui



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 11:26:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16325318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juicyjunhui/pseuds/juicyjunhui
Summary: love is like a papercut: small and unnoticeable until you're feeling it.





	papercut

**Author's Note:**

> I won't go into too much detail but I got v v depressed bc funnily enough this is loosely based on real life events that's happened and what do i do when I'm depressed? Write. 
> 
> The term: "feel like shit just want them back x" meme springs to mind ha ha

To this day, it's been seventy days since Yuta fell in love with Taeil. Today, he wakes in anxiety. Somehow, despite the rather large amount of positives - everything turned sour, negative. Quite simply, he fucked up; he implemented harm through (what he thought was) harmlessness. 

 

On their sixty seventh day together, it seemed a foreshadowing had occurred, and even thinking about something so macroscopic brought tears to his eyes. The weather on their sixty seventh day was quite honestly, terrible. It was wet, slightly chilly, and overall extremely grey, despite the great adventures they cherished and loved that day. A good day out, a shitty day to go out in. 

 

It's almost like a papercut, really.

 

Small and unnoticeable, harmless in foresight, but shortly the burn comes along. It hurts. The pain is almost unbearable for Yuta, he feels as if every single nerve in his body is intensified, the pain elongating to something resembling death - he figures, through gritted teeth, his flame is perishing. Taeil may never come back to him, and just at the thought, he knows he's blown his own flame out whether he likes it or not. 

 

A papercut isn't something Yuta usually medicates or treats, simply leaving it to heal on its own. It's the most painful option for him, but he supposes he'll forget about the situation and become preoccupied with his work while Taeil heals. That is until he catches this hypothetical papercut, until he  _ thinks  _ about his love, and that's when it hurts the most and when it suddenly comes to mind.

 

He wishes this tactic would work, except he can't stop thinking about Taeil. 

 

On the seventieth day, Yuta wishes he could rewind time. He sits at his desk, a bouncing leg strumming thunder through his ears as he repeatedly hits his knee under the desk. The room he occupies lacks aircon, and any other day a small thought about his love, Taeil, would cool him, sooth his thoughts, and let him crack on with his work. But on the seventieth day, the lack of aircon is suffocating him. Or was it Taeil? He felt his palms clam up, his lungs slowly shut down as he gags on air, his mind focusing on the simple act of breathing too much - Yuta tears up, yet again, not only at the thought of the pain he's currently caused Taeil, but at the fact he's punishing himself. He deserves it doesn't he?

 

The sixty ninth day entailed a day full of guilt and despair. Yuta couldn’t believe it. As usual, he went to work, and luckily got off just after midday, a victory he could only claim with a small amount of potency. It was victories like these he would celebrate by seeing his love, his one and only. Now, circumstances are different. He couldn't. 

 

With his head in his hands, drowning in pain, Yuta accounts his sixty eighth day with Taeil. 

 

This is what hurts the most, it makes Yuta absolutely sick to the stomach, he can feel bile creep up his esophagus and tickle the tongue that said a thousand words. Taeil’s pain is his now, obsidian stacked against each other, and trying to mine it, retrieve it - try and work through that pain, may be near impossible. But Yuta knows, really, if he tries hard enough; he'll work through the pain for the both of them. 

 

Although dimly lit, the bar was brightly illuminated by Taeil. Yuta was pissed in all sense of the word - he had too much to drink, and had a slight issue with his love that day. 

 

Thinking about it - all Yuta did was paint Taeil black when he's golden. 

 

Yuta thought he would maybe sway Taeil in the right direction - calling a tight hiatus was the best way to do this, or so he thought. 

 

Taeil was distraught. Almost immediately, he ended it, rage and misery suffocating him. It was too much - this changed everything. He loved Yuta, too, but now? It was a war zone of conflict. Right away, he made the decision to take some space, think over whether or not to give things another shot.  _ You don't just cut things off to prove a point, did Taeil not matter to him? _

 

It was this day, the grand sixty eighth day, Taeil confessed his love to Yuta. It was this day that Yuta ran in disbelief, his head pounding in uncertainty, letting the rain pour from his eyes disappear within the storm around him. 

 

He knew that within him, it was there, this love. 

 

If only confessions were not made in these circumstances. 

 

Because on the sixty ninth day, Yuta confessed, too, but he didn't have his love firmly in his hands anymore. 

 

His love was free, taking time to heal from the mess Yuta had created, his ticket marked one-way and the choice to return unknown and ambiguous. Who knows what the future holds? 

 

Yuta hopes on the seventy ninth day, the one he cares about will feel safe with him again, and not be in pain anymore. 

 

Yuta hopes on the eighty seventh day, Taeil will be in his arms again, suffocating - but not with the pain he feels now. He just wants his love to be tight in his hold as if they were glued together. 

 

Yuta hopes on the hundred and thirteenth day, he'll be able to pepper kisses all across his loves face and play with that long fringe he has and run his fingers over the stubble of Taeil’s undercut. 

 

He just want the stars to his moon back. Taeil lights up the room and Yuta's whole existence. 

 

Love is like a papercut, small and unnoticeable at first, but it spreads and suddenly all you're doing is  _ feeling  _ it. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and stuff is appreciated !!! Tell me how to improve!! 
> 
> Maybe send me smooches bc I don't know if I'm gonna get back w my partner even though I'm trying everything in my power to get together again even though I'm an idiot who hurt them but Hhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!


End file.
